Short story: ‘friendwallet™ Log’

Reposting a couple of stories that had yet to make it onto the new site. Here’s one that a few people liked (contains a bit of what movie ratings like to call “language”):
‘friendwallet™ Log’
VentRope: pleasepleaseplease
[Ashibo liked VentRope’s status: ‘pleasepleaseplease’.]
[Wincy540 liked VentRope’s status: ‘pleasepleaseplease’.]
VentRope: jesus pls
[umMattr commented on VentRope’s status: ‘LOL’.]
Wincy540: krist, umMattr
umMattr: whafuck?
Ashibo: hey, all you warps, show VentRope some love? geezer is in real trble.
umMattr: wah wah wah
Ashibo: sod off
umMattr: its a bot
Ashibo: u don’t know that
[EvalCoWeavel liked umMattr’s status: ‘its a bot’.]
VentRope: fuckfuckfuck blue light now
[VentRope is running low on friends. Can you help him? You have 3 in your friendwallet™.]
Wincy540: blue light special, friendz. spare a click for VentRope?
[You liked Wincy540’s status: ‘blue light special, friendz. spare a click for VentRope?’]
[You shared Wincy540’s status: ‘blue light special, friendz. spare a click for VentRope?’]
VentRope: EvalCoWeavel—I know your brother, YoMamato.
EvalCoWeavel: FU bot
VentRope: we were both in Big Swim Team Swimville two years ago
EvalCoWeavel: :P
[User VentRope is almost out of friends. Give him one? You could win a special sticker pack.]
[You gave VentRope one of your friends. Sorry, you didn’t win the sticker pack. Buy another chance?]
VentRope: thnx ashibo. thnx. blue light still flashing
Ashibo: krist, ppl. fucker’s profile says he has kids.
umMattr: dont they all
[SirGagGa is online.]
Ashibo: Gag, my man, how you?
SirGagGa: swankee
Ashibo: how’s ur friendwallet™
SirGagGa: shit, geezer. the lady’s condition acting up again. broke, man.
Ashibo: check out VentRope
SirGagGa: looks like a bot
Ashibo: cmon
SirGagGa: sorry
SirGagGa: you going to that thing tomorrow
[VentRope’s last friend will expire in 5 minutes.]
VentRope: PLEASE
Ashibo: gag…
[SirGagGa is offline.]
[You gave VentRope one of your friends.]
[Wincy540 gave VentRope a friend. Do you know you can earn friends just for taking part in fun marketing surveys and focus groups? Finding out if you’re qualified takes just one friend. Click now.]
VentRope: Ashibo Wincy540 you guys are good. god smile upon you.
umMattr: suck blue bot
[VentRope’s last friend will expire in 5 minutes.]
Ashibo: anyone?
Ashibo: fuck
VentRope: its ok. it’s ok. tired anyway.
[You shared VentRope’s status: ‘its ok. it’s ok. tired anyway.’.]
umMattr: <yawn>. me2.
Ashibo: umMattr if I ever meet you…
umMattr: loveu2
[VentRope is out of friends. For the next minute, you can become an Angel™ for only 10 friends. Since your friendwallet™ contains only 1 friend, would you like to purchase additional friends and become an Angel™?]
[VentRope could not be found. This user is offline or the account no longer exists.]
umMattr: every time a bot bluelights, a puppy gets its wings. so sayeth umMattr.
Wincy540: your a bot
umMattr: lets hook up. ill show you.
Wincy540: o^O
Ashibo: fuck you umMattr.
umMattr: it was a bot. chill. they are all bots.
Ashibo: you know thats not right
umMattr: you ever know anybody it happen to?
Wincy540: my aunt knew someone.
umMattr: yor auntie? tell me another one.
Wincy540: she did
Ashibo: some of them are bots. but there are real ones.
umMattr: real bots yeah lol
Ashibo: what if its was your moms
umMattr: wouldn’t be
Ashibo: but what if
umMattr: wouldn’t be
Ashibo: how do you know
umMattr: I work
Ashibo: you get a thrombo. can’t work.
umMattr: insurance
Ashibo: only lasts so long
umMattr: im not a welfare whore
Wincy540: nice
umMattr: losers
Ashibo: DVT burns out part of your squirrel size brain. you cant work anymore. your moms is low on friends.
[winterbiRd like’s Ashibo’s status: ‘DVT burns out part of your squirrel size brain. you cant work anymore. your moms is low on friends.’.]
umMattr: ill come take them from u
Ashibo: good luck wit dat
umMattr: got plenty friends already
[umMattr is offline.]
Wincy540: school manana?
Ashibo: c ya
[Wincy540 is offline.]
[Do you definitely want to sign out? You won’t be able to receive any urgent friendwallet™ requests while you’re signed out. For just five friends, we can notify you of any urgent requests while you’re away. Add friends to your friendwallet™ now?]


Eric Robert Nolan, whose post-apocalyptic thriller The Dogs Don’t Bark in Brooklyn Any More I reviewed on Amazon and whose twists have really stuck with me, surprised me today by blogging about my interview on Smashwords.

For someone who has found such success and is clearly bound for so much more to see something of worth in your experience is a real honor. Thanks, Eric, and to everyone else–definitely check out the work of this up-and-coming writer!

Do you feel a chill in here?

If the prosecutors go through with their threat, the entire enterprise of national security journalism—which inherently involves uncovering secrets, to some degree—will be in jeopardy.

via James Rosen named a co-conspirator: Why is Barack Obama’s Justice Department going after a national security reporter? – Slate Magazine.

The message to journalists is clear: You should worry about investigating the government.